January 2023

 The first week of 2023 has not started off with a bang.  On the 1st day, CJ had spent the night at Milly's so she was there that morning.  Jay wanted to go Medal detecting so I detected to make the cabbage rolls and take care of myself by doing a facemask and my nails.  It was a nice relaxing morning and I enjoyed it. CJ came home and got cleaned up.  We then watched some TV together before her boyfriend come over for dinner.  Her boyfriend sat at the table and would not take a cabbage roll then said he did not eat vegetables.  I had told him before the dinner that we were having cabbage rolls.  I wish that he would have just not come to dinner, told me that he did not eat vegetables before dinner, or just take a little bit eaten the part that is not the vegetable, spread the rest around the plate, and not said a word to me.  I so hope that I did not raise CJ to be picky.  I know that kids are not like that these days.  The rest of the evening we had  CJ play some music for us and then I told CJ and Conner that they could go to CJ's office and watch movies.  Children these days are so weird.

The next day CJ and I had to go to school.  Jay had the day off.  The weather was supposed to be nice so I told Jay that he could take my car to Georgia to see Garrett and I would take my bike to work. It was a little cool in the morning but not bad at all.  It was a very nice way to start the new year, but as the day and the week went on it was just go downhill from there.  The students had a hard time adjusting to coming back to school and I tried to go over rules and expectations with them but they had a hard time settling down and were not ready to learn.  After lunch, I even had a broke-up my first elementary school fight.  I was picked on at work on having a middle school teacher working there that they have middle school-type fights that they have never had before.  I think that everyone at work watched the video.  I also found out that one of my student's grandmothers passed away that that was his guardian so was going to have to move because he was going to have to go live with an aunt.  It was so heartbreaking.  

On the way home I walked out and it was starting to rain.  It was not supposed to rain.  I drove home in the rain and had to wipe the rain and makeup that was stinging my eyes out of my eyes.  When I got home I was soaking wet.  I went upstairs to get changed and ended up slipping on the floor in my wet socks.  The hot shower felt good and I was just happy to be home.  CJ got home and said that work went well and so did school.  She said that in her peer tutoring class, most of the kids did not show up and in her US history class they studied for the EOC Tuesday was not much better because my aide's daughter got sick and was not able to come to work.   We made it through the day and I was just tired. CJ had her last day of work because she was going to be starting her internship at the hospital for 2 days and then Theater begins.  She took her EOC for US history.  She was very nervous about it.  She came into school and told her teacher she was not ready and was nervous.  Her teacher was like "Ya right" do not say that.  Then when she got a 99% on the test her teacher was like see I told you so. That night got a migraine so bad that I was throwing up and could not get rid of it.  In the morning I got up and took everything I could just to make it to work.  I felt like I was just a mess at work.  I was completing progress reports and needed help to see them correctly.  Also, Morgan was still gone so I needed help.  When I got home from work I went right to bed and had Jay wake me when CJ got home from Play practice so that I could hear about her first day of her internship at the hospital and play practice.  When I got up I was not that much better but good enough to listen.  I also got a text message from Mrs. Artman with some bad news. She had found out that one of my former students that I had adored had passed away.  His funeral was that day and the wake was the day before so I had missed it,  I was so sad.  I do not even know how he passed away.  All I could think about was thank goodness at least I gave this young man the one experience of being able to go to the beach with his peers in 7th grade even when his family could not afford it.

I put that sadness aside and heard all about CJ's time at the hospital she loved it.  She said that it was so much fun though she did not get to do much. For play practice, she did not understand why she was there because they were not doing anything with her part so she sat there the whole time.  She said Martine and Delaney came to practice and Delaney talk to her about going to all-state and how much fun she will have.  I thought it was weird that they came to the practice but I guess the high school plays were a big thing for them when they were in high school so they wanted to be there for opening practice.

Thursday Conner came over after play practice to study with CJ for their PCT test.  Jay asked CJ to tell him to get something to eat before he comes over because it was after dinner time.  They studied and then watched TV until 9:00 which is her school night curfew and I had to kick him out. 

Friday was a very bad day.  I again was not feeling my best and my ED student lost it in my classroom.  I just started yelling at him to sit down and color.  I did not want him to throw things because I was asking him to work.  I should not have yelled but I did.  He started his typical throwing things and I had to clear my room and call for administration.  I do not normally cry over things like this but this time I did.  I just started crying and could not stop.  I just could not help it.  I was upset at myself for yelling at a small child but I so did not what him to trash my room that day. I just kept saying I was going to blame it on the new medications that I am taking. Then on my way home, I get a text from Jay saying that since he had not heard from me he was going metal detecting.  I was confused because I did not get any text earlier.  So I texted what earlier text.  He seemed to be upset that I was not answering a text that he sent and I was confused about it.  So when I get home he pulled up and showed me on his phone the text that he sent.  So I showed him the fact on my phone I did not get that text.  What a messed up day.  Jay made us dinner and CJ and I went to the temple.  

We did not know that it was one of CJ's student's Bar Mitzah that night and it was so cute seeing all the young kids coming in and wanting to sit with CJ.  She is the cool senior that everyone wants to know.  I got asked to move so that they could sit by her.  It was a nice service and about being kind which was very hard today or I should say it was why I cried because I was not kind.

 Saturday we did not do much.  CJ had to teach Hebrew school and Choir practice.  Then Connor and she got together for a date night.

Monday CJ got home and said that her test in PCT tests well she a 75% on the test which was one of the top grades in the class.  The teacher said that she would add some points to everyone's tests so that she should keep her "A" in the class.  She said that work went well too and it was going to be one of her last days at work because play practice started.  

Tuesday she had her board exam for her PCT license.  She was so excited that she passed and got the highest score in the whole class.  Some of the girls from the class all went out to Starbucks for coffee to celebrate being done with the class.  She then sent on her first rehearsal for Mama Mia.  She said that she just sat there the whole time and did not do much.  She said that Martine and Claire showed up to rehearsal and Claire sat next to her and talked to her about All-State and how much fun she will have.  CJ was surprised that they were there since they are both in college.  I told her it was because they were on break and the plays were a very big thing to them when they were in high school. 

Thursday was the last day of the semester and CJ's school had job shadowing day.  CJ did not do Job shadowing, so she went to her peer tutoring class to say goodbye to the students and got some food, and came to my school for lunch. At my school they had all kinds of fun things going on so most of my kids stayed in homeroom.  April and Morgan my aides had their girls with them for job shadowing.  So by the time, CJ got to the school all the girls come to my room and sat around talking about teachers and high school. 

Friday was an in-service day and I was so glad to get so much done completed to be able to start the new semester.  Jay took my car to work so that he could get new tires put on and CJ because she did not have school took me to work.  CJ then went in the afternoon to meet Millie for lunch.  I went to lunch with all the ladies from work.  CJ picked me up from work at the end of the day and took me to my doctor's appointment to have the spot on my breast removed because it was turning black and they needed to remove it and check for cancer.  The test came back negative for cancer just an old age spot that changed color.  CL was sitting in CJ's Jeep when I came out of the doctor's office.  He got out and tried to introduce himself to me.  I told him that I knew who he was and that he was in the play with CJ this year.  CJ told me that he saw her Jeep and pulled into the lot and came and talked to her.  That boy is so weird.  He broke CJ's heart when she liked him and now that she does not like him he wants to talk to her and be friends. 

CJ and I then went to Greenville for the Shabbat 200 dinner for with the Chabad. We got there early so I helped set up for the dinner.  CJ's table was with the kids from Honeycomb and I sat at a different table with the parents from Honeycomb. I had a nice time helping set up and it was just weird sitting alone without CJ at dinner.  I tried talking to the others at the table because I am good at talking to people I do not know but they all know each other and it was just awkward.  CJ helped service the dinner and she was not happy with the kids at the table drinking wine.  She did not think that it was right that minors were drinking.  I told her that there was nothing that we could do because their parents were there and gave them permission.  She was very frustrated by it.  After dinner, I just wanted to go home. I did not what to talk to anyone just go home.  I was feeling so sad and CJ was feeling so frustrated.  My GPS was not working so CJ told me that she knew downtown Greenville well from being at MedEx so I let her drive us home.  

Saturday we went to get all the rest of the stuff that we needed for finishing the kitchen.  We were going to try and start putting the tile up the following weekend.  Jay had found a guy that was selling his wet saw for $20 so we were excited about the cost.  When Jay got it it was still in the box and only had been used once.  CJ had to work at the museum.  She was doing a bracelet-making class. She had fun with the class and a lady bought one of her rings and later orders a bracelet from her.  We were all running late so we decided that the dinner we planned would be postponed until Sunday.

Sunday Jay woke up not feeling well.  We still cleaned the house while CJ went to Choir practice. Since Sundays have been CJ and Connor's date night and were going to do family dinner Sunday night instead of Saturday we invited Connor for dinner.  We thought that because it was brisket and mac-n-cheese he would enjoy it.  No vegetables.  The brisket was from the package and it was not Jay's from the smoker.  It was not very good.  Connor just took one small piece and one small bit of mac-n-cheese.  Jay and I decided that having Connor over for dinner was done.  We tried twice and he did not eat. CJ and Connor watched movies after dinner and Jay was still not feeling very good.  He had gotten a boil on his leg and it was hurting, so he went off to bed.  The next day CJ and I did not have school.  Jay woke up still not feeling well and called into work sick.  CJ and I had plans to go shopping and just do a girl's day.  Jay told us to still have our girl's day and that he was just going to rest and hope that he felt better.  CJ and I went to lunch and shopping.  We went to CJ's favorite store in the mall and several outfits looked so good on her that I had to buy them.  I spend way too much money but it was ok.  We then went and got massages.  I was a little disappointed in my massage.  The guy was rough but he only did my back not my whole body that I paid for.  CJ said that her lady did her whole body even her feet.  The guy wanted to tip at the end but I did not think that he deserved one.  He also wanted me to pay for more time.  I will never be going back to the place in the mall.  My back and muscles hurt for about 2 days after, but I did not have a headache for over a week.  

When we got home Jay was on the couch and he was running a fever of 103.  CJ and I tried to talk him into going to the doctor.  He would not and snapped at us.  CJ started to cry because she was so worried about him.  A fever that high was not good.  He took for Tylenol for the fever and I had him call the doctor.  He told me that I could take him to urgent care but not the main hospital.  I took him and CJ was so scared I told her to call her friend Emma and have her come over and sit with her.  CJ called Emma and they got a pizza while we were at the doctors.  Jay boil was getting infected and causing the fever. The doctor was thinking that he was caused by all the other stuff going on with Jay's leg. Jay had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday for all the other problems going on with his leg.  The Urgent care doctor gave him a shot of antibiotics and 2 other prescriptions for antibiotics. Jay kept trying to let the doctor things were not as bad as they were.  I kept telling the doctor that the was lying.  The doctor said that men do that more often than they think.  We came home and Jay went to bed.  CJ was glad that Emma had come over for pizza and glad that Jay went to the doctor.  

On Wednesday Jay went to the doctor and they still did not know what was wrong with him.  They gave him some creams for the itch and took 2 biopsies of his spots.  The doctor said that he also needed to see a vascular surgeon about the blood flow to his legs.  Jay was like, see you go to the doctor and you go from being healthy to sick. I told him that he was still sick without going to the doctor.  They finally found out what the spots and itch were and that it is going to take a long time for it to get better.  They are not sure what caused it and think that it may be brought out by his long COVID, but no one knows what causes it.  It is called Lichen planus and can take between 6 to 18 months to get rid of.  After the appointment, the boil on his leg also burst and he started to feel better.  

On Saturday, CJ was asked to run the whole American Girl club program.  CJ was very happy too and said that she was going to run it the old way and do some of the activities that they use to do that she liked when she was a kid going.  So she read part of the book to the girls to hook them into reading and then did not crafts.  She also really talked to the new volunteers about pretending that they were the doll that they dressed up like.  CJ said that they had a lot of girls that came and it was so nice seeing so many girls. She then worked at the front desk that afternoon.

While CJ was at American Girl and Sunday doing Hebrew school and Choir, Jay and I worked on putting up the backsplash in the kitchen.  We had a nice time putting it up and did not argue not once.  We were so happy with the way that it looked and so excited about having it done. 

 That night CJ and I went to go see Millie in the Miss TL Hanna beauty contest.  I was so proud of her.  She was so scared and you could tell this was not her thing being the center of attention.  But she overcame fear and did it.  I was proud of her courage.  CJ and I went to dinner beforehand and just had a nice evening together.  While we were there I run into Ms. Jones and she were telling me that her niece that I taught was doing great and she said that it was because of all of the hard work that I did with her.  It really did make me feel good.

On Sunday after working in the kitchen some more I realized that I had not taken my daily migraine medication in 2 days and was starting to feel better.  I had been so depressed.  Everything was bothering me and I was getting things in my head like the world did not need me around.  I was feeling that no one needed me and I had no purpose in life.  Nothing was making me happy, but being off the medicine the kitchen tile was making me happy.  I stopped taking it that day and sent an email to my doctor.  It turned out the medication had a side effect of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Sunday CJ and Connor their date went to downtown Anderson to do the ghost tour.  It was raining and cold so I was surprised that they did it. I noticed on Life 360 that after the tour they went to Zaxby's in the Homeland Park area.  When she got home I talk to her about some sides of town she really should not go in at night she should have driven farther down Clemson Blvd and gone to the Zaxby's down there.  She said that she figured that out and that they eat in the car just to stay a little safer.  She just googled the closest Zaxby's but did not realize what side of town she went to.  It is hard to teach your child that not all areas are safe.  You want them to think that the world and all people are good.  

Tuesday, Elinor invited me to a DKG meeting. It was at Cresent High school and an organization for educators. At the meeting, I did not get to talk to Elinor much but talked to other teachers and had a very nice time.  Mrs. Wohler from TL Hanna told me about how some of my former students were doing and gave me a very nice compliment about how much they missed me and how she thought that I was a great middle school teacher.  I really needed that after feeling like such a bad teacher the last couple of months. 

The next Saturday we got up and finished grouting the tile.  Grouting did not take much and while I was grouting Jay worked on Leveling the stove and microwave.  We then decided to have a family night out.  I wanted to do some activity like bowling or going somewhere but Jay wanted to just do dinner.  When CJ suggested things for us to do Jay seemed to get upset so we just dropped it.  We instead decide to go to Inky's for dinner and then take CJ to a music store for her to play around with the instruments.  We had not been to Inky's since they moved to the new location and became a sit-down and order place instead of a fast food joint.  I think that we were all just a little disappointed that the food was not as good as it was when it was a fast food place. So I am not sure if we will go back.  CJ had a nice time in the music store and then we went to Sam's club and out for ice cream.  It was not an activity but it was still a very nice family night.  I got a new phone and was having fun taking pictures that were not blurry.

Sunday CJ had Hebrew School and Choir.  Connor had asked her to dress nicely for their date that nice so she looked so pretty in her dress and heel that she bought for less than $1 during our mother-daughter shopping spree.  They went to Zaxby's for dinner and bowling.  So CJ still got to go out bowling just not with Jay and me.

The month of January just flew by and I do not know where the days want.  I am just glad that I went off that medication and I feel so much clearer.  Now it is just adjusting to it being Jay and me more and more. It is such an adjustment not having CJ with me all the time and watching her grow up. I am not sure what to say to her and I still hate that she will not take to me much about her relationship with Connor.  I even had to hear from her dad that they had told each other they love each other. She did ask me to make her an appointment to get her birth control.  I can not say much she is 17 and almost a high school graduate.  It is just hard watching her grow up and leave us.